The Best Laid Plans - Chapter One

Title: The Best Laid Plans - Chapter One
Author: x_nscangel_x
Rating: PG-13 so far
Pairing: Kurt/Blaine (Glee)
Summary: Written for this prompt: The Warblers are tired of watching Kurt and Blaine dance around their feelings and they decide to take matters into their own hands and get them together. They didn't expect it to be so difficult though. 
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or Fox or anything else associated with it.
Author Notes: so this is a new series that I'm starting (as I am almost done with my other one) and I hope you guys like it!

            The gavel bangs and all the boys in the room stop chatting. Wes straightens his lapel and coughs before saying, “Now, I’m sure all of you are wondering why I’ve called this emergency meeting.”

            There was some muttering and shrugging of shoulders.

            “And you may also be wondering why our lead soloist and our countertenor are not here eye-fucking the daylights out of each other.”

            This was met with tons of rolling of the eyes and nods.

            “Okay, so let’s get down to business. The point is that we need to get Kurt and Blaine together pronto. Blaine can barely concentrate on his solos because he’s too busy staring at Kurt and directing all the mushy lines of the song to him and Kurt’s just…well he’s Kurt. I’m pretty sure we all know that after that stupid Gap thing that Kurt is just refusing to go beyond friends because of Blaine.”

            Someone raises his hand, and Wes points at him. “Do you have a question?”

            Jeff stands up and says, “But how are we going to get them together? Blaine’s the kind of oblivious and Kurt is the master of being stubborn. It seems almost impossible, unless we lock them in a room for days until they decide to start fucking.”

            Some of the Warblers nod in agreement. “It’s kind of true,” David says from next to Wes. “I mean, I would love it if Blaine stopped acting like a love-sick puppy, but Kurt’s probably not going to go through with it.”

            “I just want Blaine to stop playing Teenage Dream a million times before he goes to sleep,” Derek begs, the unlucky person who has to dorm with Blaine. “A guy can’t take that much Katy Perry!”

            “Okay, okay, I see the complications of the goal that we want to reach,” Wes says regretfully. “But it still doesn’t mean that we can’t do it. Think of something that would make Kurt realize that Blaine is totally in love with him and a way to get Blaine to ask Kurt out.”

            Everyone is quiet as they thought about this. Finally, David says, “Well, I know that they have coffee every day after Warbler’s practice. Maybe we can spy on them there and pick up some clues or something.”

            Wes bangs the gavel loudly, a grin on his face. “Absolutely brilliant! We’ll go after the next rehearsal!”

            “Do you notice how the Warblers seem to be really weird lately?” Kurt asks Blaine as they sat down at their table.

            “They’re always like that,” Blaine says airily, dumping at least three packets of sugar into his coffee, ignoring Kurt’s expression as he does this. “I told you, I love my coffee when it’s sweet.”

            “You are absolutely ruining the flavor,” Kurt sniffs, liberally adding small spoonfuls of cream into his own cup. “But they’re being really, really weird,” Kurt continues. “Like, they always look at me and then start whispering, and they’re always writing on this piece of paper. Then when I walk over to them, they shove the paper in someone’s book bag and start smiling.”

            “Maybe it’s their secret plans for world domination,” Blaine teases. “I bet their goal is to make everyone sing a cappella for the rest of their life.”

            “You’re so funny,” Kurt says dryly. “Don’t come running to me when they capture you to be the leader of the resistance.”

            “That would never happen,” Blaine says surely. “I’d be singing Katy Perry while we march towards the capital and demand a cappella music to reign throughout the world.”

            Kurt laughs and sips his coffee slowly.

            “So, hey, do you want to go watch a movie on Friday?” Blaine asks eagerly. “We can go watch Black Swan. I know that you haven’t watched it yet.”

            Kurt wrinkles his nose and sets his coffee down on the table. “Ugh, no, it’s a movie about two lesbians going at it. That means there are two vaginas instead of just one. I’ll pass.”

            Blaine chokes on his coffee. “It’s a good movie! And we’re in public!” he whispers. “You can’t just say vagina that loudly!”

            “You’ve just given me a challenge,” Kurt declares, “and I have accepted. VAGI—“

            Blaine smothers his mouth with his hand, a look of panic in his face. “You are going to get us banned from this coffee shop.” He suddenly feels something wet and warm on his hand, and he realizes that Kurt has licked his hand. “Oh my god, Kurt!” Blaine shouts, wiping his hand on his slacks. “That’s disgusting!”

            Kurt laughs and is about to apologize to Blaine when he feels a hand on his shoulder. “Hello little guy!” David says eagerly. “How are you two?”

            “Uh, we’re good,” Kurt replies, a little taken aback from David’s friendliness. “What are you guys doing here?”

            “What, friends can’t join friends for coffee?” David booms, and waves over to a bunch of other Warblers who come running over and pulling over chairs, crowding the table. Kurt looks at Blaine and screams “I told you so” with his eyes.

            “So, watcha doing?” Jeff asks.

            “Kurt licked my hand,” Blaine says sadly.

            A few of the boys snigger and someone, Victor or Liam, says, “Now boys, you must control your sexual urges in public.”

            All of the Warblers start to laugh loudly except for Kurt and Blaine, who are now as red as a tomato.

            “He was shutting me up,” Kurt says weakly, trying to defend himself.

            “Whoa, being too loud, Kurt?” Victor says, trying to hold back laughter. Yeah, it’s definitely Victor. Kurt was plenty of ideas on how to short-sheet his bed.

            “You guys are absolutely horrible,” Blaine groans as the Warblers start to laugh again. “We were having a perfectly good time before you guys came here.”

            “A good time?” David asks hastily, shushing everyone. “Oh, do tell.”

            Kurt raises an eyebrow. “You are acting really weird. I’m going. Coming Blaine?”

            “Yeah, he really wants to come,” Derek says, causing more laughter. Kurt has mentally shot all of them at least five times.

            “Let’s go,” Blaine says, rolling his eyes. “Sorry about that,” he mutters when they’re out of the coffee shop. “They’re teenage boys, you know. There’s not much you can do about it.”

            “So, how’d it go,” Wes says happily as the Warblers file into the practice room.

            “Horrible,” David replies, groaning. “We started making innuendos and Kurt just got mad and kind of embarrassed and then they left. We didn’t really get much info except for the fact that Kurt licked Blaine hand and that they were having an okay time before we came.”

            Wes turns and glares at the room full of boys. “You guys can’t settle your stupid sex jokes aside for a few minutes to get some info?! I am ashamed of you!”

            “Does this mean that we have to do it again?” Liam asks with a puppy dog face.

            “Yes we do!” Wes shouts, face going bright red. “Regionals are coming up soon, and not only do we have that to lose, but I’m going to go crazy if this continues any longer. It’s so obvious that they are both head over heels for each other but they just won’t do anything about it and it’s not only to affect them but the choir.”

            It was quiet for a moment, then Victor spoke, “What if they don’t want to be together?” he says quietly.

            Thad looks at him curiously. “What do you mean?”

            “Like, I know that most guys can be really dense when it’s a relationship or feelings involved, but if all of us in this room can tell that Blaine and Kurt really like each other, then why can’t they? I thought that it must have been pretty obvious right now. Maybe…maybe they really just want to stay friends.”

            Victor’s words stuns all of them, and even Wes looks lost for words.

            “But we have to try,” David says wearily. “If we don’t, it’s just going to result in even more tension.”

            Wes sits down, looking sad, and says, “How though?”

            “I guess we can try talking to them,” Thad suggests, “and like, ask about their own feelings for one other. At least we can keep the sexual jokes to a minimum this time.”

            Wed bangs the gavel with not as much as his usual gusto and says, “Okay, that’s our plan. David, you take Kurt.”

            “Why?” he frowned. “I wanted Blaine. Gimme Blaine.”

            “I’ll revoke your straight card if you say that again,” Wes warns him. “But when you want to, you have like, this really gentle voice. Maybe Kurt can stop being so high-strung and learn to relax around you. Derek, you take Blaine, since you’re his roommate. See this as your own opportunity to make him stop playing Perry all day long.”

            Derek looks like he wants to object, but the look on Wes’s face makes him silent.

            Wes bangs the gavel three times and stands up. “Council dismissed!”

            “And they say that girls are confusing,” Jeff sighs as he walks out the door.

                “Hey hobbit,” Derek says as he sits down next to Blaine at the Dalton Library.

            Blaine gives him a glare and he looks back down at his book. “What do you want?”

            “To talk, bro!” Derek says enthusiastically, and punches Blaine in the shoulder.

            “You are so excitable,” Blaine says with a roll of his eyes. “Okay, so what do you want to talk about?”

            “Kurt!” replies Derek, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “What’s up with you two, getting all lovey?”

            Blaine blushes and sets his book on the table. “We’re not getting lovey,” he says. “We’re just friends.”

            Derek scoffs and leans closer. “Come on, you guys are so in love with each other. Just ask him out already!”

            “N-no!” Blaine stammers, blushing even more now. “I mean, we’re just…we don’t like each other that way.”

            Derek rolls his eyes. “Blaine, you’re in denial.”

            “I’m not!” he says. “It’s just that Kurt doesn’t see me as anything more too. We don’t like each other.”

            “It’s really obvious that you do,” Derek says calmly. “But Kurt likes you too, you know. And the longer than you put off asking him on a real date, the less he’s going to be interested in you. Guys can only hold out for so long. If you keep flirting with him but don’t make a move, Kurt’s going to think that you’re not really interested in him, and then move on to other fish in the sea.”

            Blaine is looking down, but his face is bright red by now.

            Derek sighs and holds Blaine’s shoulders. “Let me ask you a question, and you have to answer it seriously and completely truthfully. Picture it in your head right now, you and Kurt huddling in your room, laughing and watching a movie, and then you lean over and kiss him and he turns all red. Then imagine the two of you going on shopping dates, with Kurt dragging you all over the place because he’s seen your out-of-school outfits and is using your credit card to completely get you a new wardrobe. And he’s throwing shirts and pants and cardigans at you over the dressing room door and you’re kind of tired from shopping so much but when you come out of the dressing room and see Kurt’s face, you know that it’s worth it. Can you imagine that?”

            Blaine nods shakily. “Y-yeah, I can.”

            “Okay good,” Derek says. “Now think about him doing that with someone else. Think about him doing all of those couple-things with another guy. Think about him holding hands with another guy. Think about him shopping and watching movies and going out for coffee with another guy. How does that make you feel?”

            Blaine imagines it in his head, Kurt laughing and blushing and being adorable…but not with him. He sees some faceless stranger press a kiss to Kurt’s delicate cheek, and he imagines the blush that accompanies it.

            “I…I don’t know,” he whispers.

            Derek pats him on the back soothingly, and stands up. “Look, I know that you’re absolutely horrible at this romance thing, but try to make an effort for Kurt. I see the way that you guys look at each other, so don’t deny what you really feel.”

            Derek leaves, and Blaine just sits there for a while, thinking about what Derek said, his mind racing at the images that Derek has given him (in a, you know, completely non-dirty way).

            Kurt lounges on his bed, his iPod playing some random song on shuffle. He doesn’t really know what it was nor what the title was, but it’s not what he usually listens to but it’s still a great song.

            “KURT!” screams someone into his ear, and Kurt shrieks, flailing his arms everyone and colliding it with something. Once he calms down, he peers over the bedcovers to see David sprawled on the floor, the left side of his face bright red.

            “You punched me,” he says sadly, rubbing his face. “It’s going to leave a mark.”

            Kurt stammers an apology, “I have this cream that really useful for vanishing scars and bruises and stuff. You can use it.”

            Kurt bit his lip from taking back the offer, because that damn cream cost him five hundred dollars and it wasn’t even really big. But he felt kind of bad for hurting David, even though it was totally his fault in the first place for scaring him like that.

            “You are strong for such a skinny thing,” David says. “I now have this whole new fear of you and that arm.”

            Kurt tosses back his head. “Well,” he says pretentiously, “I do try. What are you doing in my room anyways?”

            “Just wanted to have a little bro-chat with my…bro,” David says.

            Raising his eyebrows, Kurt says nothing and pushes the covers towards the end of the bed. “So do you have some kind of topic in mind? I hope know that I suck at everything sports-related and most things that are considered to be of the masculine race.”

            “You make gay boys and straight boys sound like difference species,” David laughs. “But no, I’m not here to talk about that.”

            “Then what do you want to discuss?”

            David thought about the best way to approach this. A head-on tactic would work well on Blaine’s stupid thick head, but Kurt was smart. He needed something else.

            “Do you ever get…kind of lonely?” David starts out, hoping that it didn’t sound lame.

            Kurt frowns in thought. “I don’t think so…I mean, I have friends here at Dalton too.”

            “Yeah, I know, but not that kind of lonely,” David adds. “I mean like, do you ever want a boyfriend?”  

            Kurt pales. “David, I thought you were straight.”

            David turns red and it’s his turn to stammer. “I don’t mean it like that!” he shouts quickly. “I have a girlfriend!”

            Kurt nods. “Okay, yeah, just making sure…”

            “I mean, do YOU ever want a boyfriend?”

            Kurt settles against the bed and thinks about it for a while. “I don’t really know,” he finally says. “I guess that it would be kind of nice, but I’m not desperate for a boyfriend. I’ve never dated anyone either. So I guess I can’t really miss what I never had.”

            David mentally groans and realizes that Kurt is proving a lot more difficult. Stupid Derek got the easier part.

            “So you don’t ever get kind of jealous seeing all of your friends with some guy? Or seeing two dudes at Dalton giving each other little looks and kissing?”

            Kurt blushes and looks down. “It would be…nice,” he relents. “But like I said, it’s not something I’m desperate for. No one’s interested in me anyways, so the point’s kind of moot.”

            David wants to take Kurt’s head and Blaine’s head and smash them together, maybe, MAYBE having them both realize that the two of them are practically dating already, just without the labels.

            “I think,” David says slowly, “that if you really look hard, like seriously look really hard, you’re going to find someone who really likes you.”

            Kurt narrows his eyes. “Are you hiding something from me, David?”

            David turns this odd shade of blue-green and blurts, “No, of course not! Kurt, keep that arm away from me! Kurt! Ow, please stop, it hurts, I’m sorry!”

            “What happened to you?” Wes exclaims as David comes into the Warbler room.

            “Kurt happened,” David replies darkly, and sits down rubbing his arm.

            “So we’re here to discuss our progress so far. David, Derek, I hope that you two have gathered sufficient information to make this plan a success.”

            “I got a pretty good start,” Derek says. “Blaine still can’t really see how much Kurt likes him, but I made him think about how he would feel if Kurt dated someone else.”

            “Really?” Wes says enthusiastically. “And how did that work out?”

            “As good as I could have hoped for,” Derek replies positively. “Blaine seemed to really realize that he would probably be one jealous boy if that ever happened. I left and gave him some time to really think it over.”

            Wes nods happily, and it makes him look like a dog. “Okay, that’s great. David, what about you?”

            “Kurt’s not as easy to crack, so I went for the sideways approach,” he says. “I asked him if he ever felt lonely and if he wanted a boyfriend. He was kind of disagreeing with me at first, but I asked him how he felt when he saw other gay couples at Dalton holding hands and stuff, and he said that it would be nice to have that. But he doesn’t think that anyone is interested in him that way.”

            All of the Warblers groan. “Are you serious?” Wes says. “That’s the most incredibly idiotic thing that I have ever heard in my life. And I’ve heard Thad give speeches.”

            “I have stage fright!” Thad countered. “It’s not my fault!”

            “You guys are acting like toddlers,” David says wearily. “But we have something that we can work with. So all we have to do is persuade Blaine to ask Kurt someplace nice. Blaine, being the gentleman that he is, will shower Kurt with a ton of attention and love and it might make Kurt see that someone really does have an interest in him.”

            Wes groans and slaps his right palm against his forehead as he bangs the gavel an incessant amount of times. “This is taking so much longer than I thought it would.”